What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
By Matt Colaciello | February 22, 2024
Your Inner World is a Family of Parts
Ever found yourself feeling that a part of you wants one thing, while another part of you says “nooo!”? Or maybe your adventurous side yearns to make a bold career move, while your responsible side is concerned about financial security. Or perhaps there's a part of you that seeks connection and love but always gets shut down by a part of you that fears rejection. If this experience of having parts resonates with you, you're not alone! Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a model that can help you navigate the complexities of your parts-filled inner landscape with compassion and understanding. It’s so effective that the demand for IFS coaches and counselors has grown immensely over the last few years.
What Exactly is IFS?
Developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS is a transformative approach to psychotherapy that views the mind as made up of "parts," each with their own feelings, strategies, and motivations. Though many parts may have formed when you were a child or adolescent, they impact how you think, feel, and behave in the present. Imagine these parts as members of an internal family, working together but also sometimes (or often) at odds. Central to the IFS model is the journey towards fostering a harmonious relationship between your Self and your parts. Through the therapeutic process, you learn to "unblend" from parts that take over, meaning you gain the essential skill of differentiating your core, present Self from emotions, thoughts, and habits rooted in the past. This crucial step offers a renewed sense of clarity, presence, and empowerment in your day-to-day life.
Meet Your Internal Family
In the IFS model, parts are categorized into three main groups:
Exiles: The vulnerable parts of you that carry emotional burdens from the past. They're often tucked away deep inside to protect you from their pain.
Firefighters or Protectors: The parts that jump into action when an exile's pain becomes too intense, often through behaviors aimed at defending, numbing, or distracting you.
Managers: The parts that help you navigate daily life, striving to keep you safe and in control. They work hard to keep the exiles out of conscious awareness.
Self: Within each of us lies Self, a natural source of confidence, curiosity, and clarity that knows how to heal. Self, or “self energy”, plays a crucial role in your internal family, acting as a compassionate leader who cares for parts. Sometimes the work of Self is also described as “re-parenting,” where Self gently guides and nurtures each part, much like a loving parent would, offering wisdom, understanding, and unconditional support. This process helps heal old wounds and teaches parts new, healthy ways to interact and support your overall well-being.
Renowned IFS teacher, Derek Scott, said in his final teaching before passing: “The key element in the healing of IFS is not recognizing the protector parts and recognizing the exile parts. That's very important. That's a roadmap of the psyche. But the healing, the magic, the mystery comes from our capacity to hold our self energy—who you are at your core—and to say to yourself, ‘I fully trust you.’ That's the nature of this work.”
How IFS Therapy Works
Imagine embarking on a journey where you, guided by the wisdom of your Self, get to know each of these parts intimately. The process unfolds in three enriching steps:
1) Discover: Identifying and understanding the diverse parts within you.
2) Engage: Fostering a compassionate dialogue between your Self and each part, approaching them with genuine curiosity and openness.
3) Unburden: Assisting the exiles in releasing their burdens of pain and trauma, allowing them to heal and reintegrate.
Why Choose IFS Coaching?
What makes IFS particularly appealing? It's empowering and non-judgmental. No part is seen as negative; each is acknowledged for its role in your survival and protection. This perspective encourages a kinder, more curious approach to self-exploration.
IFS places you—the Self—at the center of your healing journey. It's a testament to the belief that you have within you the strength and wisdom to heal. This model isn't just about finding temporary solutions; it's about achieving lasting transformation.
IFS is also incredibly versatile, effectively addressing a wide spectrum of emotional challenges and life situations. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship issues, IFS offers insights and strategies for growth.
Embarking on Your IFS Journey
As you consider beginning your journey with IFS coaching, know that you're taking a step towards deeper self-understanding and lasting change. This approach is about more than just managing challenges or symptoms; it's about nurturing a harmonious internal world where every part of you is acknowledged, understood, and valued.
We invite you to explore this path with us, where we'll walk alongside you as you discover, engage with, and transform your inner family. It's a journey towards embracing your whole self with compassion, courage, and curiosity. Let's embark on this journey together, unlocking the doors to a more integrated, empowered, and joyful you.
About the Author
Matt Colaciello is a holistic coach and educator, specializing in integrating mindfulness, spirituality, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to support personal growth and mental health. With a diverse background that spans global human rights advocacy, Buddhist monastic training, and environmental policy, his approach is rooted in compassion and tailored to meet the unique needs of each individual.
